After my class Monday, a production company rented the studio to shoot an informercial for one of those one-size-fits-all DVD series that is very popular right now. Suddenly I felt myself becoming envious. Thoughts like “Why isn’t anyone offering me a DVD series?”, “What am I doing wrong?” began to enter my head. Walking down that mental road all I could see were DANGER signs so I veered off and went to my next appointements.

Later that day, after KINETIC Sculpt® Towel Power a student pulled me aside to tell me that other instructors are beginning to use a towel, and my sequence of exercises in their classes. For the second time that day, I began to spin into self-doubt. Quick, shake it off.

Today, as I am riding my bike to and from KINETIC Sculpt® OUTSIDE I see a boot camp occupying the field we normally train at. I paused to watch what they were doing. I recognized it was a load of junk exercises but I threw in the towel. Sitting in the sunlight, I took a stroll down the darkest alley of my mind.

On one hand, my passion project, KINETIC Sculpt®, is inspiring imitation and yet I don’t have the public appreciation and commercialization of other people. It was then I got mugged.

“What the hell am I doing and why?”
“Am I on the wrong path?”
“Do I know anything?”

As I psychologically began to strip myself bare of worth, I had to hit the stop button. It was time to be honest about the real questions inciting the green monster lurking within. This wasn’t about my work. It was about EGO and ACTION.

1. My EGO was bruised.
Though I realize that public validation is not a measure of competence, there is still a piece of me that wants be celebrated out loud. There is the 7 year old inside all of us that wants to be ADORED, not simply loved. How much validation is enough? Old thoughts don’t die, they just sleep until awakened by hubris.

2. What ACTIONS have I taken?
a. I know what it takes to launch a commercial boot camp.
b. I know the route to take if I want a DVD series. 
c. I know I have not yet made KINETIC Sculpt® “scalable” and by scalable, I mean generic enough that other people can take over.
A+B+C= My TODAY reality is my business depends on me being at the front of it. It’s exactly how I set it up.

This May, my focus is on “being present.” I am presently standing exactly where I placed myself. The state of my career is exactly a by-product of my choices.

Comparing myself to others is the quickest route to failure.  I am revisiting my notes from TEDxEast and incorporating it into my personal manifesto.

Don’t let your adversaries drive the agenda. If so, you may find yourself diverting your energy from pursuing truth to defaming your opposition. Then you lose your credibility.

I am my toughest competitor and harshest critic. Sometimes I need to narrow my focus to what is personally important to avoid walking through my own mental mine field. To say EXERCISE CONSCIOUSLY is hollow when you are trapped in your subconscious thoughts.

What defines an artist? a professional? an athlete? We all need to decide this for ourselves and stand in the TRUTH, not the story obscuring truth. Otherwise we will wither from the bruising we give ourselves.

Nothing broken.
- Erwin

P.S. Laird Hamilton on being an artist versus a competitor in the sport of surfing.

2012 Year of Vision
May’s lens is BEING PRESENT.

So far I have spent four months devoted to illuminating the blind spots in my Life.
This month, my step outside the box took me to my first TEDxEast event.

Think of TEDxEast as a retreat with 1000 of your smartest, curious and most inspiring friends. This is a time to explore new ideas, be moved by visionary thinkers, and gain exposure to concepts you may not have ever seen before. TEDxEast is also a time to check-out from the day-to-day routine, and enter a day of intellectual adventure.
- TEDxEast

Admission to the TEDxEast conference is invitation only and requires submission of an application for approval. After being accepted, you pay the fee and you’re in. The theme for 2012 was The View From Here.

This year’s event was held at The Times Center in the New York Times building. All meals, beverages and snacks are included in the event fee. You will want for nothing. Therefore you can can be at ease to receive.

My intention today was to take ONE IDEA away from each presenter. This is an idea that I can use for my life, my work and my world . Here is my subjective view and my reflections.

The View From Here

Gillian Grassie - Musical Performance

Session 1: The Left Brain
Keith Yamashita – The Other Side of Separation
We are always saying goodbye to something in our lives. We are always looking for connection. There is a perpetual dance between Love/Fear.

Oded Ahronson – Titan: A World Both Strange and FamiliarWhat is it that we think we know?
What is it that we need to learn?
How does this add to your understanding of what needs next to be done to answer your lingering questions?

T. Colin Campbell – Resolving The Health Care Crisis
Nutrition is food that maintains optimum health and prevents future disease.  Nutrition trumps genes.

Jon Marks – You Are Not an Ape
Don’t let your adversaries drive the agenda. If so, you may find yourself diverting your energy from pursuing truth to defaming your opposition. Then you lose your credibility.

Jon Marks Presentation

Session 2: The Right Brain
Maya Lin – Between Art, Architecture, and Monument
Use history as a lens to view life and do not try to objectify it.
Check out: www.WhatisMissing.net for the story of the natural world.

Julian Crouch – The Gap
1. People come with fear whether things are good or bad. Sometimes it is better to enter with stupidity.
2. Success can be a trap. Whereas after failure, it can be an amazing cleansing… like a rain storm. Every project feels like your back to square one.
3. Be more yourself. Do the thing you loved when you were eight.

Peter Wegner – Nix, Nada, Nameless
Art is dragging things from invisibility across the threshold of visibility.

Charles Atlas – How to Pass, Kick, Film and Run
When watching a dance there is no front. Every direction is front.

Maya Lin showing photos of one of her memorials

Oskar Eustis – A Public Place
We struggle with change. Most things give you the feeling of change without change. Change is a playwright’s obsession.

Tony Kushner when developing Angels in America couldn’t get the character to change fast enough. He needed to create a two part play to illustrate how hard changes is and how much like death it is. The play was the creation of something that can’t be consumed like a commodity.

You need to create the time and space for change to happen.

Matthias Hollwich – Meet Wendy
Creativity is sometimes about exhaustion and the one idea beyond that.

Michael Friedman – The Song Makes A Space
Songs make a space in our lives. We recall memories, moments, and link emotions to songs. What if the banality of a song actually sends you all the wrong messages and you inertly invest in a lie.

PS22 Musical Performance

Session 3: From the Inside Out
Samantha Sleeper – Estranged labor
Consume means to expend, use up, squander. Think of how much you are willing to pay for things and the human cost of getting that thing made. Consider the human capital involved in the need for gross consumption and low budget items. What if you shifted your viewpoint from consumer to patron?

David Pizarro “Dirty minds: How Disgust Shapes Our Thoughts on Moral Wrong and the Political Right”
Disgust is a universal phenom. We have a disgust sensitivity that influences our moral judgment. People who are very liberal are very hard to disgust and the opposite holds true.

Moral disgust rises when you make people feel uncomfortable even if the the two objects are disconnected. You can see this geographically even in voting behavior.

Illustration of David Pizarro Talk by KeithBendis.com

Session 4: Reframe - Rupture Tradition Thoughts
Beth Coleman – City As Platform
Mobile technology has us living our lives with our head down missing what is before us. We’re living to “LIKE” and our online efficiencies are designing lives of comfort removing serendipity.

Become a Public Civic Poet
- know your neighbors
- start a guerilla garden
- create an open source culture

Activate your participation in your city
- cross reality of technology and artists
- use alternate reality apps to discover your city anew

Ross Martin – The Poetry of Misunderstanding
People will never receive your work as you intend it and as an artist you should embrace it.
You want your work to to change your audience or have the reaction to your work change you.
Ideas that move beyond intention change the world.

Illustration of Dr. Helen Fisher Talk by KeithBendis.com

Pasi Sahlberg – GERM that Kills Schools
G global
E education
R reform
M movement
Competitive environments and forced accountability are being instilled by governments to make education move faster. Standardization is the enemy of creativity. Confrontation is not the solution.

Accountability is what is left when responsibility is taken away. To improve education we need to emphasize:
Talent – define students’ talents
Time
Technology – integrate people with tech rather than force it upon them

Mahmout Natout – How I Improved My Literacy
We are all crafting our bioimage. Bioimage is your reflection upon your life and the emotions that are summoned. Our minds prefer linear graphs which only serve to compare our lives simplistically.

We can view our lives thru interaction and literacy and numeracy. How do we want to receive what we experience, as either literal, or present, iterations of all our biographs?

Last year, the United States retired its Space Shuttle program. It is yet another the end of another era that defined our country. Nothing has replaced the space program and, as of today, there is no way for the US to make back into outer space. The remaining shuttles are being retired to museums. The Space Shuttle Discovery is now at the Smithsonian and the Space Shuttle Enterprise will be resting aboard the Intrepid Sea-Air-Space Museum on New York City’s Hudson River.

Flat Stanley impatiently waiting.

Today April 27, after a weather delay, we welcomed her to the Big Apple. I waited on my terrace with Flat Stanley. F.S. is a project I have taken on for my 9 year old friend Nicky. He’s getting photographed all over the city.

Shuttle making its way back downtown

It is not every day that you see the Space Shuttle Enterprise flyby your home.

2012 Year of Vision… April’s focus is Creativity.

I love music. I think it can help and hinder a workout. It can also lift your mood if you are having a bad day. I never doubt the power of the unconscious mind. Words have power and a negative message is easily disguised with a good beat. Thus I am incredibly particular about what I play in my classes or listen to recreationally. This is my process in choosing songs.

First, I think about the nature of the class. What is the lesson I am teaching? What is the nature of the movement?

Secondly, I start with a thought, a feeling, or a sound as an inspiration. Then I try to find music that artistically fulfills that statement. Most times I have enough music in my collection to finish a playlist but sometimes I feel like an author who can’t quite complete his last chapter. Then I do background research on lyrics, artists, and span through genres and eras. If I am honest with myself I can say most of my students don’t even notice my choices. The cast majority just want a beat they can shake their ass too.

Well, I’ve uncovered I have scores of songs about New York on my I Love NY playlist. We all know the standards but there are truly memorable songs that most people haven’t heard. Here are some of my favorites that may inspire a creative playlist of your own.

Paloma Faith – New York
The incomparable Paloma Faith sings a love ballad about that bitch New York stealing her man.

Ryan Adams – New York
I’ve always loved this Ryan Adams song. The video was shot 4 days before the attack on the World Trade Center. They both bring back memories of a simpler time.

Snow Patrol – New York
Snow Patrol is one of my favorite bands. Despite being Brits, they understand New York steals your soul.

Eskimo Joe – New York
The Brits aren’t the only people who love NY. The Aussies love my fair city too. The video is clever as hell.

Madonna – I Love New York
Okay so the lyrics by Madonna are insipid but who doesn’t love New York? If you don’t, you probably can’t dance either.

Alicia Keys – New York
Here’s my own ode to New York homemade video. Photos of 18 hours in a NYC snow storm.

Cool & Mambo – West Side Story Soundtrack
Growing up Puerto Rican, in Hell’s Kitchen and on the West Side of Manhattan loving West Side Story is a prerequisite. When I found this Flash mob on YouTube to one of my favorite WSS tunes, I was all in.

When I was in the 4th grade, one day I was called “faggot” by older kids in my Catholic elementary school. It only took one idiot to start and the others couldn’t resist joining in. At first, I ignored it but ignorance doesn’t work with bullies. Ignorance is taken as a provocation. When words don’t appear to hurt you, they escalate the attack.

I don’t remember anyone rushing to my defense, not even my brother. Being called the word “faggot”, or a racial slur, was confusing. I had no understanding of sexuality, or racial identity. I knew what the words implied but I didn’t understand what they meant. Up until that moment, I thought I was just like everyone else. Suddenly, I had been labeled as not good enough. I hadn’t done anything and yet who I was, my being, the very fact that I was alive was offensive to someone. (Imagine, if you can, one day you awake and discover that “who you are” is a danger to you.) I didn’t want to go to school anymore. I wanted to disappear.

To do nothing and being targeted for breathing the same air defied reason. I stood up for myself. I also told my mother and the school administrators. I wasn’t going to be anyones’ punching bag.

As the victim of bullying when I reported the incident, I was humiliated by school officials and punished. My mom asked me later if everything was okay at school and I edited the information. Why bother saying anything? I felt so isolated and alone.

I had to get tough or live with my head down. If I had a problem, I kept quiet and handled it. This was the source of many misguided decisions. What I didn’t realize is children can’t handle problems on their own and spiral into a depression. They lose the ability to use words and are too angry to accept guidance. This is one of the dangers of bullying. It permanently alters your personality DNA.

Here are the words I can express now that I couldn’t say then.
- Kids who are bullied are ashamed.
- Kids internalize their shame. They think it’s their fault. They won’t tell.
- Being told not to fight back when assaulted is wrong. Kids need to be taught self-defense. They need to be told they have the right to defend themselves from aggression. Hit hard, strike fast and get the hell out of there.
- Parents should not trust that the adults supervising their children are not abusive themselves.

There was a study released noting 85% of people who witness bullying do nothing. This statistic doesn’t surprise but I’m left wondering how can any adult who reads this be okay with that? Every adult bears responsibility for the ongoing collapse of compassion and empathy of our world’s next generation of children. Are we nurturing barbarians?

When I was kid, at least you could go home and get a reprieve from it all. You can’t do that anymore. It’s a non-stop assault. Kids are committing suicide while their peers cheer post-mortem. Teens are taking guns to school and killing classmates. Bullies videotape the beatings, post the victim footage on YouTube, launch viral smear campaigns, send hate text messages twenty-four hours a day and create formal online hate groups to target their intended victims.

BE the difference.

If you triumphed over adversity, tell your story.
- Be a Mentor. Do a Google search. There are many organizations in your community.
- Talk to the kids/ teens in your Life. Find out if they are victims of bullying, are bullies themselves, or witness it. Start an ongoing dialogue.

Get involved in your community.
- Contact the your local school board, grade school, the police, social services, and see what the needs of the kids in your community are.
- Do the research on your school district, teachers and administrators.

Be an Activist
- Sponsor youth self-defense training.
- Lobby your government officials for tighter anti-bullying legislation.
- If your kid is involved in an incidence of bullying, get the parents involved immediately. Bullying always begins at home. If the parents do not help, DO NOT HESITATE TO GET THE POLICE, JUSTICE SYSTEM, CHILD SERVICES & SCHOOL INVOLVED. Don’t be naive to think it will blow over, it won’t. It never has. It doesn’t get better without intervention.

BY ALL MEANS DON’T WAX PHILOSOPHICAL. DO SOMETHING.

Please do not experiment with your ethics at the cost of a child’s well-being.

Before things get better they usually get worse. However, I can say definitively there is strength at the the other side of the struggle. You simply need to walk through the darkness, head high, to get there.

- Erwin

2012 The Year of Vision – If you want to illuminate the blind spots in your life look at the cultural basics like music. So far this year some things have definitely come together and somethings have completely fallen apart. This is one of the things that came together. I went on a trip of a lifetime to the SXSW music conference in Austin, Texas. It is pretty mind blowing.

Here is my video of the experience plus a clip I filmed at the Bruce Springsteen concert. (Bruce was the keynote speaker at this year’s conference.) There were only 2,000 tickets and they were given away by lottery and guess who won?

Opening for Springsteen & The E Street Band was The Low Anthem. If I can say there was one band I was most impressed by the entire trip, this is the ONE. They are amazing musicians and each plays a variety of instruments from the fiddle to the guitar to a hacksaw to an iPhone.

Also, I want to introduce you to some bands that though they are not completely new, were certainly new to me. I have been way too complacent in allowing the mainstream media to fuel my tastes.

One of my favorite bands, Keane was debuting new tracks from their upcoming album, Strangeland.

The amazing Kimbra performed at The Fader Fort. She’s an amazing performer and going to be huge. Her album drops in the US in May.

There are hundreds of bands playing all day and night. It is an audio feast and not remotely possible to take it all in less you drive yourself nuts. However, in the spirit of Austin, the vibe is decidedly laid back.

Loved The Big Pink at the Spin Live party

Impressed by the Best Coast at the Spin Live party.

All new music will find its way into KINETIC Sculpt® music playlists as I am adding a synergy of sound to movement.

It’s my girl Zola Jesus at the Fader Fort who I missed, regretfully, because I had Springsteen tickets.

Santigold rocked her new single Disparate Youth at The Fader Fort.

Ed Sheeran is yet another one of my new favorites soon to breaking upon these shores.

War on Drugs played the Fader Fort. I missed the set because I was across town but caught up with it online.

Alright, if you doubt there is good new music out there, you are being a lazy shit. get off your ass and seek out new artists.

Dr. Seuss’ personal story is one of perseverance. He started his career as a cartoonist, transitioned into advertising and eventually became a children’s book author. For three decades, it was advertising that paid the bills. It was really his 13th book, The Cat in the Hat, that put him on the map. And it came 20 years after his first book, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, published in 1937. Mulberry Street was rejected by anywhere from 20 to almost 30 publishers, depending on various versions of the story told by Dr. Seuss, who was known to embellish if it meant a better story, according to his biography by Philip Nel.

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”

A health club is a very interesting microcosm of society. By February’s end, I could feel a mood shift was afoot. As New Year resolutions have begun to fade, I observed members abandoning their optimism. Daily attendance began to subside. Smiles were replaced with pursed lip Rene Zellweger-esque squints. Love was leaving the air. New Yorkers are seasonal beasts, even with their affection.

“A person’s a person, no matter how small.”

The gym has now returned to its pre-holiday doldrums. Everyone is in the slump before the next holiday. The front desk attendants look aggravated no Hollywood talent scouts have discovered them… yet. Both staff and members are acting out their frustrations in public.

Last week, I literally had to step in and help prevent a physical altercation between a personal trainer and his manager in the lobby of the health club. What began with the rumbling of a few loud voices culminated in the infamous “you can’t talk to me like that” velvet glove being thrown down, t-shirts being ripped off and people running for cover. Call 911, manhood was at stake. The rancor was in the key of R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

What followed next were a series of homophobic slurs and verbal assaults. There I was helping to separate grown men fighting as if in a school yard. Pride is so easily stolen when one wears it on one’s sleeve.

Adults are obsolete children.

As a keen observer of human nature you would think I could sidestep the melodrama, but why should I be left out when misery demands company?

On two distinct occasions this week, I was met with vitriole personally. Mid-week, I was teaching a class for a friend. Some of her students informed me, in the first minutes, that they had no intention of following anything I was doing. Why? They knew better than me what was best for them.

Later, a disruptive jock, past his prime, came into my Spinning class refusing to take off his headset because he preferred his own music.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.

If you remember in The Bitch Whisperer, I wrote if you can only save one person, let it be you. I fought off my inclination to quit or, worse, engage in a verbal duel. In very few words and a half smile, I let each party know who was in charge and offered them their independence, on the other side of the studio door, if they felt their needs weren’t being met.

For the record, the high road is not the road that I grew up on. It is not even near the intersection.

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You’re on your own, and you know what you know.
And you are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

Three days into this month, three months into this year and I am already being sorely tested. However, I didn’t make an agreement with myself to make 2012 the Year of the Pity Party. I created a Year of Vision to guide me.

January opened the door to risk and opportunity.
February, I focused on LOVE and was amazed how it manifested itself.
This March, the focus is Perseverance and some days I wonder if the universe didn’t think I meant persecution.

When asked this week by a gym member, why I write this blog I told the pure truth. “I walk the walk.” I want people to know that they are not alone on the road as much as we are always alone.

“If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew, just go right along and you’ll start happening too.”
-Erwin

[Via: 30 Dr. Seuss Quotes to Live By]

KINETIC Sculpt™ is focused on movement. Training your body to be adaptable to diverse physical challenges is a key health component. In that spirit, while in Telluride, I took a Snowbiking course and I loved it. I am now a certified Snowbiker. I have my card and everything.

A Snowbike™ is specially designed bike with two skis. You steer with both your handlebars and your body. If you are already a skier, you will take to it quickly. If you are not a skier, like myself, no worries, you will catch on. You just need to trust yourself, your instructor and check your fear.

I took my lesson in Telluride at the EcoAdventure located in the Mountain Village. My instructor Jared was amazing. I can’t speak highly of him enough. Even as veteran trainer, I learned something.

Cost:$166 includes bike rental, lift ticket and instruction

I intentionally made several different recordings so you can get the experience. Now, I want you to join in and have your own fun!

INTRO TO SNOWBIKING

Telluride, CO January 2012

SNOWBIKING LESSON & FIRST RUN – VILLAGE BYPASS TRAIL

Sit in on a REAL Snowbiking lesson in Telluride, CO. You will be in the driver’s seat and watch the lesson from mountain top to mountain village.

This video will put you in the biker’s seat for a real run down Telluride Mountain during an actual lesson. The entire video is shot in real time using a GoPro Hero2 HD camera with minimal edits.

Shot using a GoPro2 in Telluride, CO.

SNOWBIKING CERTIFICATION RUN –  BLUE TRAIL

This video is biker’s view of a real run down Telluride Mountain on an advanced trail. The entire video is shot in real time using a GoPro Hero2 HD camera with minimal edits.

For the full story read PART ONE.

Skiing
On my first full day in Telluride, Colorado, I planned to make my second attempt at skiing. Seeing as I am a natural athlete, my frenemy Nate decided to throw me off a cliff for my first run.

If you watch the video, you will see it didn’t go so well. I fell so often and so hard I feared at one point I would break my arm. Every fall looked like a tag sale. There was a trail of equipment up and down mountain. Nate had to serve as my sherpa and gather my equipment so I could start again. I was secretly hoping the ski team would come by and let me get in the stretcher.

There comes a point when you have to accept you are over your head. Pride comes before the final straw that break the skier’s back. (How’s that for mixing metaphors?) Since that didn’t happen, I gave up. I slid down the steepest part of the run on my ass. I could care less about looking a fool.

After crawling off the mountain, I needed a stiff drink. I’m not kidding. My nerves were rattled and I was fighting the inclination to throw my skis. I just wanted to scream, stomp my feet and pout.

In the Moment Realization: I completely understand now why kids have tantrums. Without a generous vocabulary of swear words and no legal permit to drink liquor, you are left with little more than to throw yourself on the ground and yelp.

Once I steeled myself in the Mountain Village, I walked over to the ski school to organize a ski lesson. I needed rescuing from myself. It was now after 1pm and I had missed the day’s group lessons. All that was available were private lessons. I was shocked by the pricing.

Half Day 1:30pm to 4pm – $425
Early Bird / Late Riser 2pm tp 4pm- $320

I concluded an emergency room visit would be less expensive than a private ski session.

I know the secrets of the crying game.

Back on the lift I went, frenemy Nate was now serving as my ski instructor. I insisted we ski strictly GREEN trails. That agreed upon, the rest of the day went more smoothly. I was beginning to connect my turns with a few minor glitches. When 4pm came around, I can honestly say I was relieved it was over.

Day Two

I dismissed Nate because I felt like I was being a speed bump. I intended to take a full day class and was unknowingly late by 15 minutes. The ski school was apologetic and not helpful at all. They didn’t even have the customer service skills to fake feeling bad for me.

There I was with rental skis, a lift ticket, no lessons and no ability to ski confidently. I sat on a bench and fumed.  Either I pay for private lessons or risk it alone.

In the Moment Realization Deux: I now understand why some kids who are having a tantrum decide it’s a good idea to hit their parents. No ability to use words, denied self-expression equals somebody needs to get it.

I sat on a bench skis in hand, wondering what to do. I seriously knew so little about skiing , I couldn’t even rely on muscle memory. I eventually caught up with Nate. He was extremely cool about my situation. It didn’t matter to him what trails he skied down. We hung out all day on the easy side of the mountain.

Turning sour grapes into wine, I am glad to report I never fell again. I departed the slopes a slightly more confident skier, saved myself $300 in extortion money, and composed a mental F*ck You Note for the Ski School.

What I want most to impart is you can ski at any age, or learn something new, if you decide you want to. Do it. Fear is always there and rightfully it should be. Fear will keep you safe. Your courage will keep your mind agile and body limber.

The Next Day
I wanted to take up a NEW winter sport… enter Snowbiking.

When I made a decision this was going to be A Year of Vision, I also made a random list of things I wanted to devote time to. One of those things on my list was skiing. In conversation with a client and friend Nate, I told him of my plans. He then suggested I come out west to his family home. This is how I ended up in lovely Telluride, CO. (You don’t have to ask me twice.)

How to get to Telluride?
Telluride, unlike much of the region, has seen snowfall this winter. The downside is that it is not easy to get to. You can fly directly into the local airport but flights are limited. The alternative is to fly into a nearby commercial airport and drive/shuttle over. We flew into Montrose, CO then a shuttle van met us and drove us approx. 90 minutes through the mountains into town. I slept the entire way over. However, the return trip was in the daytime and incredibly scenic.

Riding toward Montrose

The fence of the Ralph Lauren ranch goes further than the eye can see.

Home Sweet Mansion
A day of planes, trains and automobiles will wear you out and we were beat. It was after midnight when we arrived in the actual town itself. I exited the car and found myself standing in the darkness on the side of a mountain road. I stared at the the stars in the cold Colorado sky. What a gift. However, that feeling didn’t last long. The realization it was now 2℉ set in. Nature can wait, I needed some warmth.

Upon entering the house, the burglar alarm went off. Nate couldn’t find the alarm panel to disarm it. Then the phone began to ring. It was the alarm company inspecting the situation, quickly followed by a call from the caretaker. This went on for about 10 minutes.

I thought to myself, “go stand back on the road because if the po-po show up they’re gonna shoot the Puerto Rican first and ask questions later.” However, getting shot with a stun gun seemed more appealing than hypothermia. In due time, we got the situation underhand. From the mud room, I looked down upon the living room, dining room and kitchen. Suddenly, my inner rain man began to perform mathematical computations. I computed, in terms of square footage, my entire apartment could fit into this one space with room to spare. I love the kind and generous 99%.

The next morning I awoke to one of nature’s most incredible views.

The ski slopes and the mountain town.

After breakfast, Nate took me on the grand tour of the family home, a conservative 8,000 square foot eight bedroom house sitting on the side mountain overlooking the valley. At some point Nate’s voice morphed, in my head, to that of Robin Leech. I flash backed to my teenage self and thought, “so this is how the Carringtons lived.” Cue the Dynasty theme song.

There was part of me that wanted to sleep in every room of the house. For the record, I did not. However, I did fall asleep by the fireplace in the living room one night. Yes, for a brief moment I was Dex Dexter. Dreams do come true!

Few Notes On Telluride
Telluride is an affluent town with a very bohemian vibe. The town maintains much of its gold rush rustic appeal. You won’t experience lots of car or pedestrian traffic. I am sorry to inform you there is no Prada, Gucci, or Cartier store to be found. There are multiple ski shops though and a Patagonia store, where I scored a deal. To be fair, the Mountain Village at the top of the ski lift does offer a bit more of that commercial culture. The gondola to and from town to the Mountain Village is free to ride.

Post-skiing, I dragged Nate on a bit of a walkabout. (If you have ever spent a day in ski boots, walking in shoes on solid ground is cause for celebration.) I stumbled upon The Free Box. The Free Box is where one donates items they no longer need. Essentially, you take something and/or you leave something. It is managed by the town and cleaned out weekly. Had I known, I would have brought the pile of crap sitting on my bedroom floor in NYC waiting to be donated to the Good Will.

Rule for Free Box Trade

The Free Box

Telluride Museum

Food Recommendations
If you want GREAT pizza, you must go The Brown Dog Pizza located at 110 E Colorado Ave. It is very casual dining and very popular. There is upstairs seating a large bar. There are TV’s playing sports so don’t worry for bringing the kids or walking in off the slopes.

The service is fine. The wait staff is very knowledgable about the menu and they need be because there is a lot to choose from.  I will say the wait staff has a bit of an edge to them that could bear softening. For example, I ordered Southwestern BBQ Chicken Detroit Square Pizza which was DELICIOUS. Nate had Boone’s Meaty D.S.P. and neither of us could possibly eat it all. I asked the waitress if I could take it with me to go. She came back with a cardboard box, and dropped it on the table so I could wrap it up myself. All we could was laugh because it was just too ridiculous to quarrel about.

Food Glorious Food

My other recommendation is 221 South Oak. Set discreetly on a quiet street, this quaint restaurant is on the opposite end of the spectrum of The Brown Dog. It is relaxed yet fine dining. The staff couldn’t have been more accommodating and the food exquisite. Seeing as this is not a food blog I won’t get into detail about my meal. I will however say, if you visit Telluride be sure to make a reservation. You will NOT regret time spent here.

In every city you have a crap restaurant…
On our last day, we were tired and it was cold outside. We didn’t want to eat out so we ordered take out and drove into town to pick it up. We ordered from La Cocina de La Luz serving regional Mexican and Southwestern cuisine. If this is what “regional” Mexican food tastes like, choose deportation. How do you mess up a burrito? This was overpriced crap. It wasn’t that it tasted bad. It just tasted like nothing. The food had no flavor. The guacamole could have been store bought. There was clearly no love in the kitchen. Mexico should be suing for slander. I can only imagine the bland joint stays in business because it’s a tourist town and tourists are forgiving, except this tourist. There is nothing worse than eating for nutrition sake. Talk about your empty calories.

Skiing
I will inform more about my ski adventure in part two but here’s the video to give you an insight.